Sub Par News [Vol. 97; Issue 1]     |      NEXT Issue


Welcome to the 1997 Season of the Higher Ed Golf League

Well loyal readers it has been a long and torturous winter. It may not have been a rough
winter but it has been a winter that refuses to end. But who cares? It is now Spring
and Golf Season and we are ready to start.. Yes, fans Sub Par News will be back
again this year to cover your every move on the golf course. As always the editor
will remain anonymous so you can count on "fair, accurate, and unbiased"
reporting of all details of every match and every prognostication of matches to come.

As I 'm sure you are all aware there have been some changes in teams and players this
year. First: WELCOME BACK TO : Joe Herbs and Tommy Mctague!!
A sad farewell to The "OLD WOODSMAN" Bob June. And Welcome to new players
Dan Marone and Mike Rinella. We all know Mike Rinella as the most competent sub
for Joe Herbs last year but now he is back as the "full time partner" for Ed Rinella. It
seems that Ed's partner from last year Ed Carey will be unable to join us this year. Could
it be his disappointment over no trophy after last years performance?

As you all know last year we had Co-champions. Hal LaFontaine and Jerry Steedman
played an 18 hole playoff against the "Edsels" Ed Rinella and Ed Carey, only to end up
in a tie for the season. Being the gentlemen that they are Hal and Jerry opted for the good
of the league
to relinquish the trophies to the first time winners Ed Carey and Ed Rinella
for a job well done. However it has come to the attention of this reporter that the trophies
have yet to be delivered. Could this be the reason Ed Carey dropped out? Or could it be
he was tired of carrying his team. We may never know.

Anyway this year we have some new partners as well as some new meat to deal with. Dan
Marone (please welcome him) will now partner with Tom Hebert. It seems Toms old
partner couldn't take it any more. Could it be that Tom held him back? Could it be that
he thought he was a much better player? Could it be, could it be? Could it be HELL!
This is a no sense move. He left a no talent Hebert to go to a no talent DOOLEY!
That's right Kelly Herbs will be paired with Dooley. (GREAT CHOICE)

Bob June has left our ranks thanks to a new position at Albany MUNY working in the pro
shop. It seems unlimited golf, working on a golf course and preferred T times were much
more attractive then another season of Phil Laraway. Who can blame him? Anyway Phil
figuring a on pulling a fast one, convinced Clem LaPietra to unceremoniously dump Brian
Matthews figuring on an unbeatable combination for league championship. This will all be
discussed later. Now as always we have the thing you are all waiting for Putter
This year our Peerless Prognosticator will go out on a limb and pick
each team and their chances to "WIN IT ALL".

1. STEEDMAN/LaFONTAINE Even money on this team. They have been there before
and they can do it again. Steedman a 4 time winner of this coveted trophy knows the
ropes. This combined with his more then capable partner are EVEN MONEY to win it
all again.

2. MERRY/GARDY Not a chance! This no talent team can't be in the cellar too long.
Bills lack of talent (nine wiffs on last years outing alone) combined with Gardy's
inconsistency (besides it is rumored "Gardy is in Love") could never hold up to the rigors
of the long season. Heavy odds against them-- 30-40 to 1 basically no shot.

3. DOOLEY/HERBS Are you kidding me. The odds could not get longer. A rookie in
his second season with an absolutely not talent veteran. It can't work Herbs dumped
Hebert in a heartbeat after last season. All would have thought this to be a good move.
But what does he do? He picks Dooley!! Talk about beating your head against the wall
because it feels good when you stop. Odds of winning it all HA HA HA HA HA sorry,
Not a prayer. 100 to 1 and that is generous

4. KOSEK/STORMS The annual midfielders. Can they win it all. Well lightning has
struck twice in the same spot before. This team is known as the field. Sure they are there
every week and sometime kick ass of a top contender. But a top spot? Never happen! If
all goes well for them 20-25 to 1.

5. LaPIETRA/LARAWAY Talk about what was meant to be. Laraway couldn't wait to
dump June because he blamed him for choking away several championships, pulled a coup
to get Clem from Matthews. Clem who has had the worst of partners in years past could
not resist the temptation and jumped at the chance. He dumped Brian faster then a fag
would drop and aids infected pecker, and spit him out quicker then a hooker with a
mouthful from a double blow job. Their chances of winning are extremely high! Almost
as good as Hal and Jerry. 2- 1 and that's only because of the newness of team and the
Current (still together) champions.

6. D.ROEDEL/WANBACK Now here is a team with the talent to win it all. But will
they? NO WAY. They can't put it together. Probably the two best golfers in the league
but as a team---THEY SUCK! Could it be their egos? Who is better? Their individual
competition? Who knows? ODDS 5 to 1

7. J. HERBS/R. ROEDEL Sorry folks. NO chance. Since Don and Paul pulled their
disappearing act a few years ago in the championship playoff, you will not see this team in
contention again. Joe with absolutely no talent and Ron working on a bad peg. Sorry
guys! It ain't happening. ODDS 40-1

8. RINELLA/RINELLA No that's not a misprint and I am not stuttering. Ed Carey, last
years co-champion will not be back. NO this does not mean Ed will be playing with
himself, although his golf sometimes seems that he does. His son Mike will be his partner.
You all remember Mike! He filled in for Joe last year and played some fantastic golf.
However with his dad as a partner??? Well give them 15-1 to take it all Thanks to Mike.

9. MATTHEWS /McTAGUE This could be the surprise team of the season. Brian
feels he has something to prove. Clem dumped him like a hot rock and he is pissed.
McTague is back after a season off. They have the talent and the guts to do it all!! Watch
out for this team.
They will be sneaky. Odds 1.5 to 1 The next best bet.

10. HEBERT/MARONE Are you shitting me?? Could this be real?? Who?? What??
Give me a break. No talent combined with new talent! Never happen! NO LINE,

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